You Make Me Wanna

You make me wanna do things

Naughty things men like you dream girls like me would do

Edgy things

Taboo things your wife won’t do

You make wanna do those things with you

Always thought it would be the bad boy who’d turn me on

Who knew I could be so totally wrong?

It’s your quiet strength

The depth and containment of your soul

I never cared for being held

But with you

There is room to let you hold

Without feeling stifled or confined

Inflated or elevated

I can imagine hugging you without some immediate need to pull away

For fear of male annihilation or suffocation

You are this huge figure

You’re so much bigger than all the other little boys

I imagine you bigger in other ways

My sexuality plays among the depths of these words

I thought her forever muted, lost…

But she was only waiting, below, for a man to reach her

You have…

She laughs…

And, perhaps,

Awakens

 

For This Much Sadness

I am at a loss

For This Much Sadness

An odd wah-uh-wah-uh-wah sound penetrates my ears

Alien

Foreign

My eyes sit like saucers in a dirty Beijing sky

Hazy

Spacey

Where the fuck am I?

I am at a loss

For This Much Sadness

Who knew It existed

Like This?

I am a shaken, empty vessel

Robotic

Devoid

I am a Veteran now

Lost

Perhaps forever

In these Post-Apocalyptic eyes

 

Inanna Meets Ereshkigal

 

ereshkigal

Hello, there

My other Me

Down here in this Great Ravine

I can hardly breathe or see

So much Soot and Smoke and Rage

How is it you have lived this way

So very All-Alone?

Filthy, seething, cast-away

I swear

I did not know

I’m so sorry you’re abandoned here

I swear

I did not Know

_____________________

I am a wild animal

It’s much too late for me

I’ll rip your throat

Don’t venture close

Stay far away from me

I’ve lived Down Here for far too long

There’s no escape for me

If you value life at all

You’ll stay away from me

_______________________

You speak a language I heard of once

I think they called it Pain

I did not know the depth of it!

I beg you

Speak again!

_______________________

You. left. me. here!!!

So all-alone

And only now you want my words?

You stupid thing! My heart is closed

You’re not worth my pain, my hurt

_________________________

There is nothing I can say

Surely, you are right

I don’t deserve your Anything

When you’ve lived this Longest Night

I’ve been the Ostrich

Head stuck in sand

The Fool

The Idiot Joke

You’ve bared it all yourself Down Here

You’ve bared it all,

Alone!

______________________

Go now

With your widened eyes

With your well-meaning heart

I’m the Phantom in this play

I know only Dark

Send one more Kind Word my way

And I’ll eat your gentle heart

We both know how the opera ends

I live and die

Alone

Shit-Fuck-Fuck-Shit

rage

Doesn’t anybody else out there want to scream

Why don’t we scream collectively

One big fat endless fuck you

fuck. this. shit.

Would our agony-scream reach that 90 percent black matter mass bullshit

Whatever the fuck it is

Haunting us with it’s suck-hole presence

Black hole Confusion

Or some big Black Bitch

Lilith

just growing and growing under the Shadow-ditch for the last —

Wait —

How many years we been here?

I don’t want to be here anymore

do you

Trapped in this fucking hell on earth

People talking in clichés about

it is what you make it

Bull-fucking-shit

FUCK THEM

It is not what you make it

I’ve been working and working and the Made I’ve made

Ain’t worth This

If I can sit here feeling crucifixion night after night

Like I want to die but it is some sick joke than I can’t make myself

So I Hate myself

Rage has no place to go but inside

The Devil’s Brother

Haunting my dreams in daylight

Ripping out pieces of my soul

Eating them

As if you were famished

Inhaling bits of me, you —

The Devil’s brother

The same – only –

Wickeder

Here you are in front of me

I offer myself to you

Hungry

Naked

Forsaken

One of the many black-eyed servants

Who do your will

Possess me

Fill me with your heavy, thick

Vampire cock

Fuck me

Slowly

Stick holes in me

Suck me dry

I will come and come

As I die to you in shriveled breaths

Willingly

Because fuck this Life

I’d rather die to fantasy

Than accept such cruel truths

Mundane, mundane

I can’t take this mundane

It’s more sickening than anything I could possible say

The Dark Side calls

I’d answer but His tongue already

Slithers down my throat